Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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