if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
