Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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