He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
