his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
