Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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