if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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