Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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