you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
