she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
