Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
