why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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