I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
