I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
