He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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