i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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