thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
