Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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