she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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