Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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