So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
