I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he's gonorrhea incarnate
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
