No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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