I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
