We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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