i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
