wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
