Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
