remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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