I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
