Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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