i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
