I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
