Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
