Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
