as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
