yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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