Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
