oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
