Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
