Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
organizing the empties. That sober.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
