It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
