Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
