Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
