If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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