The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
