I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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