The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
