my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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