I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
