your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
