I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
