walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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