Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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