Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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