The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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