I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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