I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
