If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
