ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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