she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
