Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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