YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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