if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
